marissa with two esses

Currently, I am at work. I SHOULD be working on statistics, but instead I am searching for cute houses for me, Abby and Matt to move into. Our lease is up August 31st and we are ready to have a domestic fall!

Last weekend was spent in Leadville, CO, drinking at the highest bar in the country and playing Dr. Mario in a cabin too nice. We visited Lake Turquoise and Red Cliffs and looked at the ghost town of Gilman, which, if it wasn't a superfund site, I'd be VERY interested in living in.

The weekend before was spent at a Cabin outside of Blackhawk, and a hike to Lake Brainard. I think I'm heading up there again this weekend for another hike.

Martin visited, but I had to miss him. He came bearing gifts of "Bored Teenagers Theater" on DVD! I've recently been messing with imovie on mac (with some interesting results) and I hope to edit some weird Daniel Tiger music videos together soon. You see, since I SHOULD be doing math homework, it is VERY easy for me to find other interesting ways to spend my time. Procrastination is my only motivation, if only I could direct it in the right direction.

What else? I cut all my hair off and am about to go see Food, Inc. for FREE!

Here is one photo, me and Abby outside of RedCliff somewhere off the highway. Hope you like heights...I do!

When in doubt, ignore responsibilities and life decisions and just play it by ear.
That's what happened this weekend, and it was one of the best weekends this summer.

Pacific Pride backyard video shoot
ended with an amazing hail storm on the porch.
Followed by a 4th celebrated in the mountains with friends
and away from reality.

I guess I'm really good at running away

( Proof )

It's been 2 years.

I have GOT to move on.

Sometimes I wonder why I went back to school. I know I am going to LOVE all the opportunities this degree is going to give me, but some of the classes just make me feel so dumb. It's also frustrating to know so matter how hard I try in certain subjects, my brain just will NOT comprehend. After this summer I'll just have one more class I have been dreading, and then the rest should be pretty easy/interesting.

Last night I couldn't sleep, and just started to think about ways I could make myself happier. Maybe I'll quit my job in december. I'll have used up all the educational funds by then and could find more interesting volunteer work or an internship. But then I'd be very very poor. I just am SO SICK of my job, ugh. My other pending graduation idea is New Zealand. But I'm not sure I could be away from home for more than 6 months. And then I daydream about having someone to go with me so I'm not as lonely, but WHO? Or maybe I should keep my job and save save save to go to South America or Europe for a few months. All I know is after graduation I have to leave for a while. 

My focus is always at least 6 months ahead of where I am now. Perhaps focusing on the now needs to be my priority.

I am bummed today.
About a lot of things.
Tomorrow will be better?

Tomorrow I leave for Portland! On a whim, I decided to tag-a-long with a new friend on her trip. Which is awesome, since I only know a couple people in the northwest, and it should be a less touristy trip and a more fun trip! We fly out tomorrow night to Portland, take a train to Bellingham on the 13th, and then stay one night in Seattle on the 16th and fly home (from Seattle) the next night. Manya lived in Bellingham for a while, so we plan on spending most our time there. Hopefully borrowing bikes to ride around the town. Hanging out in a smaller town will be nice too.

My step brother and his girlf of over 10 years also just decided to split up, so I think this visit will be nice to see him and lend some support. While I was talking to my mom about everything, it was funny to hear her still talk like my step-siblings are less attached to me than my other siblings. They are my family through and through and have been a part of my life for the past 15 years. I'm pretty happy to have them in my life.

Fun times all around. A local metal band, Taun Taun, played and I loved it. Stayed up almost 24 hours straight, thanks to a humid after party. Ate good food with good people, ran through the hail, saw The Hangover and relaxed. I also fit some biostats somehow in there.

( Summer Fun )

Roswell and Carlsbad are pretty much dumps. But the night drive from Las Vegas to Roswell is beautiful. I even dare-deviled a bit, turning off my headlights and driving into complete darkness a couple of times. The Carlsbad Caverns were amazing, and made me want to find some caves that are still alive to wander through.
Star Trek at a Drive-in theater, a delicious meal in Sante Fe, pretty mountain views on the way through Taos and day dreaming about living in the mountains and never leaving.

( A few pics for fun... )

Next weekend I'm going on a mini road trip to Roswell, NM. This trip was inspired by the radio show coast to coast and the hopes that we may get abducted by aliens. It's also about time I took a trip, since the last one was exactly a year ago with my sister to the northwest.

I start summer school on June 1st and it doesn't end until August. So this summer, due to lack of time and money, will be a whirlwind of three day weekends in the Colorado mountains. Group dinners, lazy days in the park and day trips are also on the agenda.

This weekend Matt and I are devoting Sunday to ravioli. We plan on picking up ingredients at a farmers market and rolling dough and stuffing it all day. I'm not a huge fan of cooking, but when someone else takes the reigns I am delegated tasks I could do it all day long! So maybe one day in the future you will be treated to homemade ravioli, just don't be offended if there is some cat hair in there. It just means Dudley loves you too.

I've been much happier than usual lately. Part of the reason is I have stopped worrying so much about romantic relationships. I've actually just written them off until after grad school. The past two years have really been focused on what I want for me and my happiness, and that hasn't meshed well with boyfriends. My happiness needs don't seem that difficult to comprehend, but maybe they are?

I've also been working harder at breaking through my social anxiety and working harder at friendships. I like people, I like being social, I like having fun and being adventurous and I am trying to make it easier on myself. It's working!

Yesterday, I laid in Cheeseman Park for 4 hours trying to demolish my magazine pile that has grown out of control this semester. Reading TIME magazine a month after its been published is pretty pointless, but the 100 most influential people article was still relevant. This guy is probably who influenced me the most this year. All the work he has done is so interesting to me. Ever since my first lj account I've often wondered what the influence of online relationships has on a person. And with the so many social networking sites out there nowadays, it's got to mean something! Also, surrounding myself with happiness and having a more positive outlook has really helped me to lighten up. (Not to say I am ONLY positive. I am a negative nancy at heart and this world has a lot to be unhappy about.I just try to make the best of it and help in the small ways that I can).

This semester has confirmed my area of interest in public health. I want to make people healthier and able to live their lives better, for everyone, not just themselves. Many aspects of public health are broad and overwhelming. How can we even begin to solve so many problems (environmental issues, disparities, health care!)? Working with the government to create regulations and policies is just too much for me. I shut down at the thought of changing this process. Changing policies is what makes a huge impact, but their are just too many economic and political hurdles for my optimism to jump.

That’s why my focus is community and behavioral health. I have faith in people as individuals to want to do the right thing. Working with small groups to make a change just seems so much more plausible. I think it also gets people to be more connected to the cause and understand the need for change. Sometimes when faced with the big picture I give up on humanity, but that’s not an accurate view. Small changes lead to larger changes, and that’s what I’m going to do.

P.S. Summer break starts TODAY....until June 1st when my life will disappear into biostats.

I feel like I have changed a lot over the past year.
It's all for the better too.
Much more to work on, but nice to know I can be the person I want to be.
It makes me wish I had kept up with this thing more....because the past year is also kind of a blur.

Why do I ever think things will be different?

I had a very nice weekend and am happy on a Monday morning, kinda crazy! Mike and I went up to the Buena Vista hotsprings with a couple of friends Thursday night and lazed about in the mountains until Friday night. It was nice and beautiful and I love getting out of the city. My freckles have popped out and I got a bit of a sunburn, whoops. Hopefully we can make it up there again...the cabins are pretty reasonable and our bed was SO comfy!

Saturday was spent watching soccer and laying in the park with friends, food and a border collie named Blue. Pretty heavenly...and then off to see "I Love You Man" which I laughed at a lot. I also watched "American Teen" which whisked me back to junior high, misery!

School needs to be over, I'm pretty sick of it. My summer months with be packed full of fun because when fall comes I'll be busier than ever. I just want to finish grad school and get a new job!!!

This weekend was nice. My dad and step-mom were in town and we spent most of the weekend walking around neighborhoods and enjoying the sunshine. We went to the MCA and I looked at tents at REI. It's my spring break and I should be catching up on school work. But I'd rather spend my time sleeping or lazing in the sun. Tonight is Akron/Family, and they're playing with a bunch of other bands I want to see but I'm just not in the mood for a show. I'd rather sit and read a book that isn't for school purposes! It amazes me that even after a nice weekend, I can still be in such a bummer mood during the week.

I am VERY happy today!

+gymming in the morning
+take-home tests
+home cooked meals
+sunshine
+freckles
+long, busy weekends
+organizing!!
+music music

-boring classes
-boring work
-no happy hour this weekend

Happiness isn't as hard as I always think.

I'm not very good at putting the details of my life on display anymore.
But I still love music and pictures, so I've been doing these sites instead.
Come look!

http://sideview.tumblr.com/

http://www.last.fm/user/side_view

Hello February 2009.
You've been pretty awesome to me thus far. My classes are boring and work is boring but pretty easy.
January and February always seem to be pretty low months for me while await the arrival of SPRING!
Camping, sundresses, road trips, bike rides...it makes me want summertime all the time!
Currently I am deleting lots of music off my hard drive so I can fill it back up with new sounds! It's a bit exhilarating to be honest, yay!

This year has been a hard, bad, emotional year. But it's almost over and this makes me very happy.
2009 will be better. I finally made a decision I have been struggling with forever. And I can already feel the stress and guilt and pain being lifted from my chest.

It is much easier to be happy when you are not holding back.

( 2008 In Photos... )

Today is a good day.

This week I have been happy. And excited and relieved.
I still feel sad and angry sometimes, but I'm pretty sure the pros outweigh the cons. And if I made an actual list, this would have been the route to take.

+paid off two credit cards
+planned a weekend retreat
+finally went to yoga and felt good
+set and met a goal
+made a new friend
+worried about myself and no one else
+aced my first big grad school paper

putting yourself first doesn't mean you have to be selfish.

If you look at my life on paper (or lj) I should be happy.

But I still am not. What is my problem? I feel like I have no reason to get out of bed everyday.

Maybe this country is rubbing off on me, in a very bad way.